Attachment comes in four different forms, secure, fear, preoccupied (anxious), and dismissive (avoidant). Secure attachment is the ability to be an autonomous person and not have to rely on others, while also having a positive view of oneself and others. Fear attachment is having a negative view of oneself and others, and completely isolating oneself from people and relationships. Preoccupied attachment, or anxious attachment, represents people who are clingy and tend to latch onto others so they will not leave, because they have a constant fear that others are going to get tired of them. They also have a negative view of themselves, and a positive view of others, which is why they seek attention and crave relationships, so that they can have constant reassurance. The last form of attachment is dismissive, or anxious, attachment, which represents people who are more comfortable being by themselves and not having to worry about others. These people are more likely to engage in casual sex and not have strong and connected relationships with others, because they have a positive view of themselves but a negative view of others, showing their lack of trust in other people.

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            While many might say that Western cultures have stronger representation of attachment in their cultures and Eastern cultures do not, it is more simply stated that the two cultures show attachment styles in different manners. In Western cultures people are more likely to show personal independence, and infants learn at a young age to not rely on their parents for all their needs. They avoid being clingy and “do not make demands on parents, but obey their commands” (Saul McLeod). Children from Western cultures are taught that while they can maintain relationships, they should not feel the need to depend on others to get what they need. This behavior shows avoidant or dismissive attachment style. Through this, it does make sense that casual relationships are so rampant within the United States. Many people have confidence in themselves but lack a trusting relationship with other people, which leads to that dismissive attachment style. On the other hand, the preoccupied attachment style is seen in media, whether that be romance movies or a tweet on twitter. People tend to stay in toxic relationships because of their inability to let go.

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            In Eastern cultures, such as the Israeli culture, children might not have traditional living situations. Due to Israeli children often living in group homes instead of with their parents, they do not develop the same kind of attachment to significant relationships. They do not depend on parents, but learn that close relationships do not always have much meaning. This lack of close relationships causes these children to have a sense of fear when it comes to strangers, and “get stressed when left alone with the stranger” (Saul McLeod). This kind of behavior shows resistance, and the potential for fear attachment style.

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            Due to the stereotypes around Asian cultures and parenting styles, it is important to understand the role of attachment in these parent/child relationships. Children from Asian households tend to have a more dismissive (avoidant) type of attachment. Asian parents force perfection and desire for approval on the children, which leads to the fear of “rejection, disapproval, or shame. It can also lead to an idealization of parents and distortion of healthy relational boundaries due to the shame-bound culture” (Sam Louie). These parents often put children on a certain pedestal to the point where expectations are hard to meet, and more often than not, impossible to meet. In these family’s children are also encouraged to not express emotions, which can lead to acting out through “distress, anger, hurt or sadness” (Sam Louie). These actions are unhealthy ways of expression emotions and do not allow for personal growth within the individual. I would argue that the lack of emotional expression is detrimental to the personal growth of the individual and also influences their acceptance of either a preoccupied or dismissive style of attachment, without realizing that this is what they are accepting.

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            The inability to get too close to the children and show them emotion, whether it be good or bad, directly influences the attachment styles their children will have in their adult relationships. While in “primary adult relationships where being emotionally vulnerable, authentic, and ‘attuned’ to their spouse is replaced with a lack of connection and the need to isolate and withdraw emotionally when intense feelings arise” and instead of facing the problems and emotions head on, they are allowing the relationship to suffer (Sam Louie). This shows the dismissive and avoidant nature of these relationships, because they were not taught to comfortably and logically express their emotions to other people, resulting in hesitation within relationships.  

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            In conclusion, neither culture, Western or Eastern, has a better way of expressing attachment, because either culture can form negative styles of attachment. What is important to recognize is that parents are the direct cause of how children express attachment throughout their lives. Parents need to maintain healthy and supportive relationships with their children. Parents are meant for guidance and support; they are not meant to judge or look down on children for the choices the make.  

 

Reference

Louie, Sam. “Asians and Attachment Theory.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 7 July 2014.

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McLeod, Saul. “Saul McLeod.” Van Ijzendoorn & Kroonenberg 1988 - Cultural Differences in Attachment | Simply Psychology, Simply       Psychology , 1 Jan. 1970.